A guy runs into the bar and says, "Quick, pour me 5 shots of your best scotch."
The bartender pours them and the man drinks them as fast as he can.
"Wow that's the fastest I've seen anyone drink," says the bartender.
"Well you'd drink that fast if you had what I had," The man says
"Oh my god," the bartender says, "What do you have?"
The man replies "50 cents."
Genre: Clinton Jokes
Bill and Hillary Clinton go to a Yankees game together.
They had VIP seats in the first row.
All of a sudden, a secret service agent comes up to Bill and whispers in his ear.
A few seconds later, Bill grabs Hillary and throws her out onto the field!
The SS agent comes running back to Bill and says, "Mr. President, sir, I think you misunderstood me. I said throw out the first pitch."
Genre: Puns
I found out why there is so much LEAD PAINT in the toys that are made in China,
The toy company told the Chinese company to paint all the toys RED,
the Chinese interpreter told his people to paint all toys Led,
since they can't pronounce the letter "R" very well,
all the toys were painted with LEAD PAINT.
Genre: Female Jokes
A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his head out the window to check. As he did so, a glass eye fell into his hand.
He looked up to see where it came from just in time to notice a young woman looking down.
"Is this yours?" he asked.
She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed.
On his arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink.
Because she was very attractive, he agreed.
Shortly afterward she said, "I'm about to have dinner--there's plenty. Would you like to join me?"He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal.
As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, "I've had a marvelous evening. Would you like to stay the night?"
The man hesitated then said, "Do you act like this with every man you meet?"
"No," she replied. "Only those who catch my eye."
Meaningful Quotes~~
Wealth
The more you get, the wealthier you become. The more you give the richer your life becomes.
Leadership
A leader must listen to himself, to his own inner voice of direction, strength and conviction. The inner voice is the foundation, which holds firm against the waves of resentment and resistance to be able to conquer his fears, doubts and failures. This inner voice makes him gentle, strong, confident and unyielding as needed.
