Wednesday, 29 October 2008 / 18:30
Disclaimer: I do not need your comment on this blog.. Thx..
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Many things happened after my b'day.. Or shld I say, during my b'day?? Haha.. For one, 2 of my close frenz are tgt.. Hmm.. I'm still wondering.. If Baby Cupid really appear on that day, why did he nt shoot me instead?? Haha.. Excuse me, I'm the b'day ger lei!! Haha.. Anyway, I was the Cupid (in disguise) la.. Cos it's thru me that they gt to noe each other 2 yrs ago.. Haha.. Bt den hor, hw come Baby Cupid always mis-aimed har?? Haha.. Few yrs back, he mis-aimed and caused me some problems la.. (JW dun laugh hor.. :P) Haha.. Last yr too.. Haha.. Such inefficiency.. Haha..
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Anyway, heard some of my frenz commented tat I've changed alot since I've stepped into the society.. I've became more domineering, in short, a feminist.. I've told them it's great that they feedback to me.. Cos there's absolutely no way I could see for myself the full impact of the change in me.. Of course, I know I've changed.. Since I was the one to 'purposely change' myself.. In fact, the character was in me.. Just that I managed to suppress it during my schooling days.. Or rather, I was too lost, living by the day, to haf used it wisely.. Now that I noe what I want to achieve in the next 5-10 yrs to come, I'm mustering all my decisive power and perseverance to venture into a path, so different from my frenz..
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It takes courage..........
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I still feel it's pretty disappointing for close frenz to say I'm a feminist.. Below are some of the myths that I would like to clarify..
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-> Just becos I do not cry easily, doesn't mean I've a heart of stone.. It's simply becos I dun haf the luxury to do so.. I'm 'trained' by my environment to be strong, since young.. Jus becos I dun cry in front of you, doesn't mean I didn't cry behind your back..
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-> Just becos I always make quick decisions, doesn't mean I love to make decisions.. It's simply becos ppl ard me doesn't want to make decisions.. That's why I've to be the one to make decisions..
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-> Just becos I hold onto stuffs, doesn't mean I love to control stuffs.. I hate to admit this, but I'm an insecure freak.. So, I'm merely holding onto things that within reach.. But, I'm learning to let nature takes its path..
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-> Just becos I appeared to be a feminist, doesn't mean I can't be a 'xiao nu ren' in a r/s.. It's a shame for guys to judge based on that, cos they'll nv gt to see my 'xiao nu ren' side and they're simply nt worth it.. (*,*)
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-> There's flaws with my character, the biggest being the insecured monster in me.. Since young, I worked my way out to obtain stuffs which I've wanted.. Things do not come easy, for me.. I tink it's becos of this nature, that I've become the present me.. Frowns behind Smiles.. Tears in Laughter.. I've always appeared to be a sensible ger to my parents & my relatives, who really know 'me'? I hid my feelings to avoid ppl getting worried abt me.. I guess the whole world only few persons noe me ba..
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Ytd, one of my fren told me she's getting married wif my other poly classmate next Sept.. I was shocked.. I said, i would freaked out if I gt married anytime b4 26.. Haha.. Maybe, even depression.. Bt den again, the only guy I trust enuf to marry, doesn't work out wif me.. SO, I must find a bf 1st, trust him enuf den marry.. I tink this will take ard 2-3yrs.. Plus, no marriage for me b4 I got promoted to being an Agency Leader.. So, all said & done, I tink I won't gt depression ba.. Haha..
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I guess what I could do now is to fill my heart full of stuffs with smaller portions, so that anytime a small portion is gone, I wouldn't feel too much pain.. It feels great to haf a goal in life.. AL in 4 yrs' time.. Woohoo!! Haha..
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To my 2 frenz: Wish you all the best!! Must stay Xin Fu hor..
